2004-12-17 - 6:02 p.m.

I miss driving all around town, dreaming up absurd and unlikely places to play marbles, and trying not to lose that opaque blue one I loved so much. miss the beginning, any beginning, the anxiety of knowing that anything can happen, and the restless doubt of, "Maybe this is it." I miss sleeping in Saturday mornings. I miss hearing the words, "This is so easy! Real life wasn't supposed to be this easy!" I miss sitting on the steps of the coffee shop with Emilie during open mike night, talking about life and saying fuck all to the undeveloped artists inside all spouting the same cliches. I miss thinking of grand plans to produce a short film with a friend involving alien eggs from Iceland to send in to our favorite late night horror movie host on channel eight. I miss taking pictures with my digital camera, of friends drinking out of straws in pizza parlors, flowers incongrously placed atop newspaper vending machines, and of smashed-up boxes of porno I found while walking along the river downtown. I miss sitting in the park, on top of a high stone fence, and spying on the elderly as they walk their dogs, and I miss the security of apathy.