2005-11-14 - 5:56 a.m.

I don't have much time, but it's been a while, so I thought I'd give cyberspace some kind of idea of how crazy my life has become. Currently I am in the lobby of a hotel, where I am employed. I am far from the reach of anyone I used to know, except the two people that I brought with me to live here in California. Before I moved to this place, I'd only been here once before in my life. It's been quite a crazy adventure -- nothing has gone as planned, but when everything fell apart, I was able to quickly pick up the pieces and rearrange them so that they make some sort of sense. I can say honestly that I am happier than I have ever been in my life: I am far from the grasp of those with whom I have grown up, the crazy relatives and half-friends and full-blown enemies, and I am having one adventure after another. No day is like the last, and I find myself running amok, still sleepless after all this time, confounded by how easy it is to change one's life and one's mind -- one year ago I was desperately trying to evade the person I never wanted to be, growing too quickly for my lived-in apartment, and now I am the person I have always wanted to become, the idyllic form of myself. I sing in the shower now and wear long scarves and high heels and I read the newspaper everyday and shop and watch movies in San Francisco and go to head shops in Berkeley. I laugh a lot and have soap fights in the bathroom and I haven't bitten my nails or bought a pack of cigarettes in some time. I needed this: the change in scenery and chaos raining down from above in buckets. When I have more time (when I am not supposed to be checking the coffee urn to make sure it doesn't need refilling), I will probably post the whole of my adventure, but suffice it now to say that I currently have everything that I want.